It’s amazing that at 29 years old, I hadn’t mastered the skill of being alone. I typically hate it, I mean really hate it. I prefer to be busy, both physically and mentally. It’s not always possible, of course, and in times like this where I am traveling to remote areas it is impossible. Internet is something scarce where I am at right now and distractions like television, music, or friends aren’t available to take your mind off things. So, what is a girl to do?
Basically, I have to become comfortable with myself, with silence. I am having to learn to still my mind, calm the chatter, and to be flexible with the emotions that surface. You can’t distract yourself from being alone, you are alone. So, I sit with it… sit with the experiences I have had over the past few weeks, sit with experiences I have had in the long ago past that come bubbling to the surface, and be gentle with my exploration of these thoughts. It’s not an easy process that is for sure and it’s not guaranteed that it leads to healing, but I hope that it leads to strength. All of this has also helped me realize how “normal” I actually am. I used to think that I was always too sad, too analytical, too this or too that… I am what I am and that is okay. Heck, it’s more than okay… it’s good. I’ve got my best friend here with me and we are good.
So I come back to my positive affirmation… I am pure love and pure strength. Everything I am and everything I want to be are right here in this moment. I am like the trees that bend with the wind and never break.